Told My Brother

I told my brother today a little about how we’re trying. He was genuinely happy for us. He said after he proposes to his girlfriend (of 5ish + years) that they’d schedule their wedding for before or after we’d be due… that I can be pregnant at their wedding or schedule it so I’d at least not miss it if possible.

I didn’t ask him what he’d feel like if he didn’t get to be an uncle. Like what if it doesn’t actually happen. Would he equally be okay with that?

Nobody really realizes that although having a baby ultimately affects you… the potential mother… the potential dad/spouse… but also a whole lot of other people too!

Yesterday I told two of my closest friends that we’ve been trying since August. I think they were slightly disappointed that I hadn’t told them sooner. Really though I didn’t want to take away from their experiences… one was pregnant and just had her baby almost two weeks ago already… one got pregnant with twins but then lost them… I also was feeling distant. But these girls are some of my closest friends and I couldn’t keep avoiding topics and questions with roundabout answers. That’s just not who I am.

And on top of that… another friend is pregnant currently… another is trying… and two other close friends also had babies… one in October and one the day after Christmas!

I want to be sure I’m not just jumping in on the baby parade. I want to be sure we want a baby. I want to be sure it’s okay if we don’t have a baby.

That song… “Meant to Be” by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line… sometimes I think of it as a sign…

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