Here’s Why

I am disgruntled. My friends have a group text conversation that is ongoing. Since January of this year, I have responded… a handful of times. Each time I’ve brought up a topic of my own there’s been basically no response. When others text, the group always replies. I don’t know what it is… I don’t think it’s me? I used to always reply and share things but now that I’ve taken a step back nobody has seemed to notice?

I tested it out the other day because everyone was going back and forth and so I thought I’d share how my week was going and such and there was zero reply in regards to my situation…. even after I hadn’t even really been conversating the past two weeks as it was.

I’ve never had luck with good girlfriends. In high school I thought I had friends. They told me I ruined the cheer squad when I didn’t return Varsity year. I made some friends. They told me they were just pretending to be my friends… SECOND time I heard this in my lifetime… Yes, the first time this happened was in middle school. In college I had some good friends and I met my best friend but I’ve just never had a close group of girlfriends.

Until I graduated college and I met some new friends in more schooling to further to my career. Long story short they all knew each other on different levels from high school and I actually went to high school with them as well. These are the friends I’m referring to in the group text now.

Extra sensitive? Maybe I’m overanalyzing it?

To me, though, friends check-in with one another; acknowledge one another…

One friend has been privately texting me. One friend asked me a few times infrequently in a smaller group text about my doctor’s appointments only as if in comparison to her own situation. To be fair another friend is pregnant and I haven’t told her about my infertility story because I don’t want to take away from her excitement and positivity. I don’t want to put a damper on anything she says or brings up.

And. I don’t want to be the negative one. The one everyone walks on tiptoes around. The one everyone just hears more unfortunate news from. The one whom they just assume things for and therefore don’t ask.

See. That has already happened once with this group when they all planned a trip to Disneyland and someone decided that I wouldn’t be able to afford going and wouldn’t want to go. I guess that still hurts more than I’m let on since I’m remembering it again now.

If I have a child, I wouldn’t want them to go through this. I don’t know how I could protect them from something like this. It’s just weird. I guess some people are just lucky and they find those forever friends. Then there’s me trying too hard perhaps.

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